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anvilhead · 12-03-2008, 02:39 PM

i can totally understand your feelings of "obligation" to this man who helped you out during a really rough time. it sounds like he was very caring and compassionate - and you were also willing to ACCEPT the help.

so let's think about this "saviour" stuff for a sec....let's say, god forbid, your house catches on fire while you are asleep. and the neighbors call 911, and the firetruck races to the scene and the firemen bust down the door and haul you off to safety. how indebted to the neighbor and the firemen ARE you......and for how long? is it now YOUR job to stand watch 24/7 over your neighbor? do you cash in your retirement and donate it to the fire dept?

you can't SAVE him, honey, cuz he has no desire to be saved! you can keep throwing him life preservers and it's just gonna end up looking like a bad day at the ring toss booth. sometimes folks are a lot better at saving others than saving themselves.

at one time you said "i need help" and he said "then i will help you" - he hasn't asked for any help. yet. that you may have to put some distance between you due to his behaviors is NOT giving up on him, it's taking the very best care of the gift he gave you.....a chance.

12-03-2008, 02:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
anvilhead Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 10,007	i can totally understand your feelings of "obligation" to this man who helped you out during a really rough time. it sounds like he was very caring and compassionate - and you were also willing to ACCEPT the help. so let's think about this "saviour" stuff for a sec....let's say, god forbid, your house catches on fire while you are asleep. and the neighbors call 911, and the firetruck races to the scene and the firemen bust down the door and haul you off to safety. how indebted to the neighbor and the firemen ARE you......and for how long? is it now YOUR job to stand watch 24/7 over your neighbor? do you cash in your retirement and donate it to the fire dept? you can't SAVE him, honey, cuz he has no desire to be saved! you can keep throwing him life preservers and it's just gonna end up looking like a bad day at the ring toss booth. sometimes folks are a lot better at saving others than saving themselves. at one time you said "i need help" and he said "then i will help you" - he hasn't asked for any help. yet. that you may have to put some distance between you due to his behaviors is NOT giving up on him, it's taking the very best care of the gift he gave you.....a chance.