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Franticwife · 12-02-2008, 03:59 PM

Hi all! I've just discovered this forum so I still trying to find my way around. It's so amazing to read other people's experiences and realise they are exactly the same as what I've been going thru. I hope someone can help me solve my current problem:

I've been married to a "periodic alcoholic" for 6 years (known him for 11). I say "periodic" because he is still able to work 15 hours a day and during the week he is pretty sober and decent (despite 4-6 cans of beer and a couple of red wines every night). Weekends are a different story of course! However, every couple of months he has a really big binge where he becomes abusive, nasty, bullying, manipulative, etc, etc (all the classic symptoms I've been reading on this forum). Of course, up till now I realise I've just been "enabling" him, making excuses, covering up, driving him around, etc. The crunch came a week ago when we attended a motorcycle rally and he managed to completely write himself off and abuse not only the few last remaining friends we have but also my sister and her husband (and me of course). Of course I made the usual threat of leaving him and actually moved out for 3 days, while he just sat at home knowing I'd return. And then acted like there was no problem and refused to discuss his drinking.

The problem is this: We had made arrangements to spend Christmas Day with my sisters and father and now I just don't know what to do. Should I risk going, with everybody knowing what happened and being nervous all day that someone (probably AH) will bring up the rally and start an argument, or give Christmas Day a miss and "let him get away with it"? On the one hand I risk upsetting my family and ruining their Christmas, but on the other hand if we don't go it will create a big ongoing rift in the family and also I guess "enable" him once again by saving him the embarrassment of facing everyone

Any advice appreciated. (BTW - I AM starting counselling this week and am trying to find an AlAnon meeting I can go to.)

12-02-2008, 03:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
Franticwife Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Ingleburn NSW Australia Posts: 19	Need advice re Christmas... Hi all! I've just discovered this forum so I still trying to find my way around. It's so amazing to read other people's experiences and realise they are exactly the same as what I've been going thru. I hope someone can help me solve my current problem: I've been married to a "periodic alcoholic" for 6 years (known him for 11). I say "periodic" because he is still able to work 15 hours a day and during the week he is pretty sober and decent (despite 4-6 cans of beer and a couple of red wines every night). Weekends are a different story of course! However, every couple of months he has a really big binge where he becomes abusive, nasty, bullying, manipulative, etc, etc (all the classic symptoms I've been reading on this forum). Of course, up till now I realise I've just been "enabling" him, making excuses, covering up, driving him around, etc. The crunch came a week ago when we attended a motorcycle rally and he managed to completely write himself off and abuse not only the few last remaining friends we have but also my sister and her husband (and me of course). Of course I made the usual threat of leaving him and actually moved out for 3 days, while he just sat at home knowing I'd return. And then acted like there was no problem and refused to discuss his drinking. The problem is this: We had made arrangements to spend Christmas Day with my sisters and father and now I just don't know what to do. Should I risk going, with everybody knowing what happened and being nervous all day that someone (probably AH) will bring up the rally and start an argument, or give Christmas Day a miss and "let him get away with it"? On the one hand I risk upsetting my family and ruining their Christmas, but on the other hand if we don't go it will create a big ongoing rift in the family and also I guess "enable" him once again by saving him the embarrassment of facing everyone Any advice appreciated. (BTW - I AM starting counselling this week and am trying to find an AlAnon meeting I can go to.)