Quote:
Originally Posted by houston28  Thanks mle-sober, your kind words meant a lot to me. I feel so guilty for hurting her like this and I want to help her to get sober. I know that I probably shouldn't feel guilty but I really don't know how to let go of the guilt. |
Holy Cow Houston! You've got some variety of opinions here! I usually read and post in the Newcomers Forum since I'm a recoverying alcoholic. But sometimes I come here because I can learn a lot by reading what Friends and Family say.
But I have to say I'm pretty surprised by the angry judgemental posts. Maybe just take what works and leave the rest.
When you say you feel guilty for hurting her and you want to hlep her get sober, it makes me think of a few things. One, going to therapy with her, to AA with her and to Al-anon on your own might help show you are supportive. Even if you want a divorce, therapy can help. There is ugly terrible gut-wrenching divorce and there is just gut-wrenching divorce. It's better for everyone if you can keep the ugly and terrible part out of the picture. Especially for your kids.
Someone mentioned the idea of a breathylizer. When I was saying that I wasn't drinking but I was, I bought my husband a breathylizer to use at his discretion. I thought he wouldn't use it, I guess. He did. And so began the stage in my life where I had to get honest. Buy one. Tell your wife you have one. And use it ANYTIME you want. She should not be drinking when she is responsible for the kids.
So you can even have a written agreement. If she drinks when taking care of kids, you will ask her to move out or get a babysitter or whatever seems right between the 2 of you.
Have a preliminary meeting with a lawyer.
In the meantime, work in therapy toward a divorce that is mutual and as amicable as possible. There are even books to help you do this.
Also, go to AA with her. GO to Al-anon.
And I suspect that things will start to become clear.
Good luck. I think that's all the advice I've got in me. I wish you well. Keep us posted!