SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Flame · 12-01-2008, 01:46 PM

Hi. I'm new here and I'm already glad I found this forum. The topics I've seen and the answers have been helpful so far.

My situation is this ...
I have a friend who I am very close to but who lives in another state. Today is day one of his recovery after having spent the weekend on a coke binge. Previous to that, he had been clean for 10 days then had a slip (2 lines) then was clean for 3 more days before the binge.

He knew he was starting rehab today ... outpatient but intensive ... so he figured, as most anyone who is about to quit something would, to go out with a bang.

The problem I have is that I want to protect him, be there for him, make sure he knows he's cared for and all the other things that go along with caring about a loved one and what happens to them. I don't want to be an enabler. How can I care and show interest in his recovery without being overbearing and making him feel like he's not free?

I try not to lecture or preach to him about the dangers of what he's doing since he obviously knows what they are. I just don't want to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing. How can I help without over helping?

Mind you, we talk constantly even though we're states apart so I don't have to deal with the day to day, face to face aspects of his recovery but we are very close and I want to be there for him the best I can.

Thanks for any insight you can give me as someone who wished they could 'fix' my friend but knowing he needs to do it on his own.

~Flame

P.S. When he slipped, I acted like it wasn't a big deal, only a bump in the road so he'd know it didn't mean he failed. I'm trying, here, just need some support to BE good support for him.

12-01-2008, 01:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Flame Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: WI Posts: 18	Supporting a Friend ... Hi. I'm new here and I'm already glad I found this forum. The topics I've seen and the answers have been helpful so far. My situation is this ... I have a friend who I am very close to but who lives in another state. Today is day one of his recovery after having spent the weekend on a coke binge. Previous to that, he had been clean for 10 days then had a slip (2 lines) then was clean for 3 more days before the binge. He knew he was starting rehab today ... outpatient but intensive ... so he figured, as most anyone who is about to quit something would, to go out with a bang. The problem I have is that I want to protect him, be there for him, make sure he knows he's cared for and all the other things that go along with caring about a loved one and what happens to them. I don't want to be an enabler. How can I care and show interest in his recovery without being overbearing and making him feel like he's not free? I try not to lecture or preach to him about the dangers of what he's doing since he obviously knows what they are. I just don't want to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing. How can I help without over helping? Mind you, we talk constantly even though we're states apart so I don't have to deal with the day to day, face to face aspects of his recovery but we are very close and I want to be there for him the best I can. Thanks for any insight you can give me as someone who wished they could 'fix' my friend but knowing he needs to do it on his own. ~Flame P.S. When he slipped, I acted like it wasn't a big deal, only a bump in the road so he'd know it didn't mean he failed. I'm trying, here, just need some support to BE good support for him.