Damn Bob,
You sound alot like me as a younger guy in AA. Emotional sobriety may take time. I haven't had a whole lotta instant relief from me with the steps. But consistency has paid off. I have to remember to not judge others in the rooms so harshly:
Quote:
Though we did not like their symptoms and the way
these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.
We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance,
pity, and patience that we would cheerfully
grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said
to ourselves, ”This is a sick man. How can I be helpful
to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be
done.“ We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t
treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our
chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all
people, but at least God will show us how to take a
kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
|
pg 67.
Quote:
Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A
kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to
act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be.
|
These two passages tell me how I need to be ( or at least strive for). I am sure you will find your way. Like you , I hate the journey. To get to a comfortable place in my own skin in sobriety I had to:
quit going to meetings and not use a sponsor for 7 years
Start hanging out in bars ( not drinking)
Get arrested for assault
Those three things helped me to reach an emotional bottom. A place where I was finally able to let go. Hope you find a less painful route because mine sucked
Today I look at my defects as instincts which simply are exceeding their intended purpose.