This is a link I came across in "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" and to say it was an eye opener was a bit of an understatement
There is a thing in the book where the guy comes out of the cellar after a tornado and the house is devastated and he says, "Look ma, the wind has stopped blowin, aint life grand?" and it's compared to us after we get sober.
Now my experience and I am going to go out on a limb and speak for others who have worked the twelve steps here is
IF we work a
fearless and thorough moral inventory and make amends as in a "living amends" as in we change our behavior as opposed to a vague mumbling blanket apology we get a life fuller and richer then we have ever experienced.
I see people who come in to AA saying "I want my life back"
I don't, I want nothing to do with my old life or who I was, I was selfish, self centered and harmful and a full blown liar, cheat and thief, as is fairly common with us when we get here.
If I say to myself, wait, but I was "cash register" honest, I am not taking into account that I "stole" other people happiness, that I lied about who I was, because I didn't even know who I was, and that I 'cheated" my mate even the chance of a happy life as long as I drank, The book talks about people drink because they like the effect produced by alcohol but after some time they can't tell the true from the false any more.
Today I don't have to live like that any more, and I aint talking about my drinking.
Today my life is far more incredible then I could have ever dreamed, having remorse about your past can be helpful early on, an alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature, but there comes a time when your past is an asset and I have found that everything in my past is a "weapon" in my arsenal to "fight" this disease and to help others and at the end of the day makes me a kinder, more loving man then I ever knew it was possible to be.
Don't leave before the miracle applies to this as well
It gets so much better...it gets better then you have ever dreamed possible.....I promise.
Here was "the blueprint" for my behavior then later on for the practicing alcoholics behavior in my life.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships Quote:
Addiction means always having to say you are sorry à and finally, when being sorry is no longer good enough for others who have been repeatedly hurt by the addiction, addiction often means being sorry all alone.
Addiction is often said to be a disease of denial à but it is also a disease of regret. When the addictive process has lasted long enough and penetrated deeply enough into the life and mind of the addict, the empty space left by the losses caused by progressive, destructive addiction is filled up with regrets, if-onlys and could-have-beens. In early addiction the addict tends to live in the future; in middle and late addiction he begins to dwell more and more in the past. And it is usually an unhappy, bitterly regretted past.
The first casualty of addiction, like that of war, is the truth. At first the addict merely denies the truth to himself. But as the addiction, like a malignant tumor, slowly and progressively expands and invades more and more of the healthy tissue of his life and mind and world, the addict begins to deny the truth to others as well as to himself. He becomes a practiced and profligate liar in all matters related to the defense and preservation of his addiction, even though prior to the onset of his addictive illness, and often still in areas as yet untouched by the addiction, he may be scrupulously honest.
First the addict lies to himself about his addiction, then he begins to lie to others. Lying, evasion, deception, manipulation, spinning and other techniques for avoiding or distorting the truth are necessary parts of the addictive process. They precede the main body of the addiction like military sappers and shock troops, mapping and clearing the way for its advance and protecting it from hostile counterattacks.
Because addiction by definition is an irrational, unbalanced and unhealthy behavior pattern resulting from an abnormal obsession, it simply cannot continue to exist under normal circumstances without the progressive attack upon and distortion of reality resulting from the operation of its propaganda and psychological warfare brigades. The fundamentally insane and unsupportable thinking and behavior of the addict must be justified and rationalized so that the addiction can continue and progress.
One of the chief ways the addiction protects and strengthens itself is by a psychology of personal exceptionalism which permits the addict to maintain a simultaneous double-entry bookkeeping of addictive and non-addictive realities and to reconcile the two when required by reference to the unique, special considerations that àat least in his own mind- happen to apply to his particular case.
The form of the logic for this personal exceptionalism is:
o Under ordinary circumstances and for most people X is undesirable/irrational;
o My circumstances are not ordinary and I am different from most people;
o Therefore X is not undesirable/irrational in my case - or not as undesirable/irrational as it would be in other cases.
Armed with this powerful tool of personal exceptionalism that is a virtual "Open Sesame" for every difficult ethical conundrum he is apt to face, the addict is free to take whatever measures are required for the preservation and progress of his addiction, while simultaneously maintaining his allegiance to the principles that would certainly apply if only his case were not a special one.
In treatment and rehabilitation centers this personal exceptionalism is commonly called "terminal uniqueness." The individual in the grip of this delusion is able to convince himself though not always others that his circumstances are such that ordinary rules and norms of behavior, rules and norms that he himself concurs with when it comes to other people, do not fairly or fully fit himself at the present time and hence must be bent or stretched just sufficiently to make room for his special needs. In most cases this plea for accommodation is acknowledged to be a temporary one and accompanied by a pledge or plan to return to the conventional "rules of engagement" as soon as circumstances permit. This is the basic mindset of "IÇll quit tomorrow" and "If you had the problems I do youÇd drink and drug, too!"
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