SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Meetings affecting my confidence?-moving past the fear

gravity · 11-28-2008, 07:53 AM

I have been sober for over 11 months but went through a period of self-doubt the past couple of weeks.

Every meeting, I hear about how powerless I am, how I only have today, insanity, mental blind spots, etc. I was almost at the point where I was scared to go out and live my life, thinking that a moment of insanity combined with a trigger (people, place or thing) would immediately take me back to that living hell. Worried about a self-fulfilling prophesy. Not a good way to live, in fear. I did talk to my sponsor and he told me not to worry, that I am working a strong program.

I am also in a 12 step commitment group (this is my second time through the steps). I hear comments how if we don’t do this right, we will drink, we will die. It strikes me as fear based recovery. I also hear that people with long term sobriety are still making lengthy inventories - not getting over some things for several years, new resentments, new fears. Is this how the program works? I don’t want to relive this stuff over and over.

I guess what I am feeling is that I don’t want to become dependent on meetings and my sponsor. I don’t want to live in fear that I am always one moment of insanity away from losing everything. I want to be confident that I have moved on, that I am strong, that I will not drink.

My life is really good, not perfect but I am more at peace, happy. I accept that I can’t drink and I have experienced major mental & spiritual growth. I just want to keep on working the steps and share a positive message in meetings. Truthfully, the doom and gloom is starting to get to me.

I know that this post focuses on my own negative thoughts (bit of a rant). The program as a whole is great and it does keep me sober. The positives by far outweigh any negatives.

I am wondering if others have experienced this concern and how you dealt with it. Right now, I am trying to step back and simplify my approach (not think too much about it and just keep doing what I’ve been doing for the past 11 months). I do have a better perspective but it still bothers me a bit. Any comments appreciated.

11-28-2008, 07:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
gravity where the light is Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2,709	Meetings affecting my confidence?-moving past the fear I have been sober for over 11 months but went through a period of self-doubt the past couple of weeks. Every meeting, I hear about how powerless I am, how I only have today, insanity, mental blind spots, etc. I was almost at the point where I was scared to go out and live my life, thinking that a moment of insanity combined with a trigger (people, place or thing) would immediately take me back to that living hell. Worried about a self-fulfilling prophesy. Not a good way to live, in fear. I did talk to my sponsor and he told me not to worry, that I am working a strong program. I am also in a 12 step commitment group (this is my second time through the steps). I hear comments how if we don’t do this right, we will drink, we will die. It strikes me as fear based recovery. I also hear that people with long term sobriety are still making lengthy inventories - not getting over some things for several years, new resentments, new fears. Is this how the program works? I don’t want to relive this stuff over and over. I guess what I am feeling is that I don’t want to become dependent on meetings and my sponsor. I don’t want to live in fear that I am always one moment of insanity away from losing everything. I want to be confident that I have moved on, that I am strong, that I will not drink. My life is really good, not perfect but I am more at peace, happy. I accept that I can’t drink and I have experienced major mental & spiritual growth. I just want to keep on working the steps and share a positive message in meetings. Truthfully, the doom and gloom is starting to get to me. I know that this post focuses on my own negative thoughts (bit of a rant). The program as a whole is great and it does keep me sober. The positives by far outweigh any negatives. I am wondering if others have experienced this concern and how you dealt with it. Right now, I am trying to step back and simplify my approach (not think too much about it and just keep doing what I’ve been doing for the past 11 months). I do have a better perspective but it still bothers me a bit. Any comments appreciated.