[candystripper]

Sometimes, I don't know were I stand! I'v been on and of drugs for yrs around the rooms 5 times. In and out of hospitals rehabs etc... Yah I can stay clean if I want too!! Or it seems that way!!

I struggle with even believing that im addicted. Because its so easy for me to get clean if i want too. The issue is staying clean. You see Ive had allot of stuff going on lately and you would think i would have picked up but actually i stopped using!!! honestly I feel comfortable with it.

I don't go to meetings They make me paranoid!!!!???? I know I have allot of character defects. I really don't think I can say that i'm powerless though because i'm choosing not to use and that's that, so how can i be powerless? I'm not using, not going to meetings, have no friends that use anymore and no money to even get any thing with. SO, I ask myself am I an addict, alcoholic and any other itc. you could add to the end of a word? So, back to my question what makes me powerless?

In the past i have gotten a few sponsors over the yrs yet never even came close to completing the first step with anything close to a dignified way!