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Troubledone · 11-26-2008, 07:24 PM

geners123

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

First, please don't beat yourself up about this - we have all done it. The fact that you are aware of it is a big step in the right direction. Only by seeing how we trip ourselves up can we begin to not do so.

Keeping that in mind, I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I can't understand why you tell him you "love him too much to be freinds". I'm 53 and I've seen way too many freinds and female relatives over the years allow themselves to be put down and hurt by guys with nothing going on --it amazes me.

You sound like a smart, articulate and logical girl. And dating 101 says - men respect women who respect themselves. If you have the confidence to ignore him and the self respect to tell him to just flake off, then he will dissolve from your life.

When you have moved on, you'll no longer care that he has. When you no longer care, he won't be able to "get you" again.

My suggestion - do NOT tell him you love him more than your love yourself and that you can't be friend because of this - this just broadcasts how vulnerable you are. Even if it is true, that just says to him "I am too weak to even keep my truth to myself from those who would hurt me". This might not be how it feels inside you, but he may be taking it this way.

Addicts do whatever makes them feel good, and the impact they have on others is completely outside of thier awareness or concern. So broadcasting your vulnerability is like waving a red flag at a bull - hard to resist.

My suggestion - focus on all your qualities and strengths. Even if you don't feel strong, act strong - especially around him (fake it till you make it). Find people and situations that build you up. Make some goals - keep busy doing positive things that make you a better you. The only way to get your life and strength back is to focus on your own health, happniness and growth in a positive way so that he fades into the background.

God bless you - I pray you find some good female role models for strengh and that you can develop your own intestinal fortitude. Good Luck and please be nice to yourself.

11-26-2008, 07:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
Troubledone Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 221	geners123 I'm sorry you're having to go through this. First, please don't beat yourself up about this - we have all done it. The fact that you are aware of it is a big step in the right direction. Only by seeing how we trip ourselves up can we begin to not do so. Keeping that in mind, I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I can't understand why you tell him you "love him too much to be freinds". I'm 53 and I've seen way too many freinds and female relatives over the years allow themselves to be put down and hurt by guys with nothing going on --it amazes me. You sound like a smart, articulate and logical girl. And dating 101 says - men respect women who respect themselves. If you have the confidence to ignore him and the self respect to tell him to just flake off, then he will dissolve from your life. When you have moved on, you'll no longer care that he has. When you no longer care, he won't be able to "get you" again. My suggestion - do NOT tell him you love him more than your love yourself and that you can't be friend because of this - this just broadcasts how vulnerable you are. Even if it is true, that just says to him "I am too weak to even keep my truth to myself from those who would hurt me". This might not be how it feels inside you, but he may be taking it this way. Addicts do whatever makes them feel good, and the impact they have on others is completely outside of thier awareness or concern. So broadcasting your vulnerability is like waving a red flag at a bull - hard to resist. My suggestion - focus on all your qualities and strengths. Even if you don't feel strong, act strong - especially around him (fake it till you make it). Find people and situations that build you up. Make some goals - keep busy doing positive things that make you a better you. The only way to get your life and strength back is to focus on your own health, happniness and growth in a positive way so that he fades into the background. God bless you - I pray you find some good female role models for strengh and that you can develop your own intestinal fortitude. Good Luck and please be nice to yourself.