[CAPTAINZING2000]

Four Hideous Horsemen Terror - Despair - Bewilderment - Frustration

I sat at a meeting listening to a lady talk of having a drunk dream. She mentioned how the rest of the day she couldn't get those thoughts from her mind. She tried to call people that, were or, that had been in the program for advice etc.

I'd forgotten how the chapter of a Vision for you went.
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure.

I recall the last few nightmares I had of drinking. Waking up with despair. My first thoughts waking up were of having to turn my coin in. Another one I had where I was somewhere that, drugs were found and being escorted out by police . I remember, I kept telling them the drugs weren't mine.

The chapter also describes being outside that bar and having thoughts of maybe, having one drink or, perhaps a soft drink etc. Until, out of desperation, making that call instead.

I'm glad, my sobriety is such where, drinking is no longer a thought or, an option in my life today. I think, these four words describe it all Terror - Despair - Bewilderment - Frustration, with having any thoughts towards picking up that drink again.

Another Thanksgiving is once upon us. If, for no other thing than to be sober today, it's a daily thanksgiving to be thankful for.

Quote:Alcoholics Anonymous
First Edition