Thread: The truth
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Old 11-23-2008, 10:32 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Bernadette
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
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Hi Janie--
Welcome!

Try not to think that he is doing these things TO you- he is an alcoholic and he is just doing what alcoholics do.

So, no, I don't think he knows YOUR truth, and I think he can live with himself because he is not you, he does not think like you, or have the sense of what he is doing to others that you may have - or if he is on any level aware of how much pain he is causing he may choose to handle it differently than you would by denying it, drinking, or any number of ways of behaving that will be different than how YOU would behave.

I spent years shaking my head in astonishment at how my exH behaved - at the choices he made. I spent precious time in my mind cataloging all the million things he did that were unacceptable to me, that were "just not the way you do things!" etc. I kept expecting him to "get it" to change, to "see the light" to see the OBVIOUS error of his ways!!!

Never made a damn bit of difference to him. Made me crazy as loon, miserable, and focused on my dissatisfaction. When I stopped giving any of MY brain space and emotional investment to his problems things started to get WAY better and different for me....

It's great you have some form of support group. I also learned a lot from one-on-one therapy. Glad you're here!
Peace-
B.
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