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denny57 · 11-23-2008, 01:31 PM

Learning about payoffs was big to me. Also truly grasping the idea of the unconscious. Just like I thought denial was shaking my head back and forth, I thought I was aware of doing things subconsciously, but have come to understand that isn't the case.

As an example, something that just came to me the past week: When I was little my mother always permed my hair before school pictures. I hated having my hair permed and every picture of me from kindergarten through 6th grade shows me with red eyes from crying so much before going to school. This was a huge issue for my mother for reasons I do not know (control?)

When I was 12 years old I saw a publicity picture of Mia Farrow for Rosemary's Baby. I thought she was beautiful. I took the picture down to the town barber and had him give me the cut. I told myself at the time I wanted to look like Mia, that I was being daring and different, etc. I felt so good walking home. I was consciously aware of defying my mother, but in a rebellious teen way. What I recently connected was that subconsciously I was ensuring that I would never be forced to have a perm again.

It seems like a little thing, but as I continue to make these connections, I start to learn more about me and my motives. Messages received and lessons learned young in life have informed me and my choices in ways I never dreamed. I was on autopilot for a long time, yet thought I wasn't.

So I think yes, perhaps someone can become addicted to miserable behavior, but not in a chemical way like drugs and alcohol. That's my take on it, only. And only for now.

Thanks for letting me share.

11-23-2008, 01:31 PM	#32 (permalink)
denny57 Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 5,078	Learning about payoffs was big to me. Also truly grasping the idea of the unconscious. Just like I thought denial was shaking my head back and forth, I thought I was aware of doing things subconsciously, but have come to understand that isn't the case. As an example, something that just came to me the past week: When I was little my mother always permed my hair before school pictures. I hated having my hair permed and every picture of me from kindergarten through 6th grade shows me with red eyes from crying so much before going to school. This was a huge issue for my mother for reasons I do not know (control?) When I was 12 years old I saw a publicity picture of Mia Farrow for Rosemary's Baby. I thought she was beautiful. I took the picture down to the town barber and had him give me the cut. I told myself at the time I wanted to look like Mia, that I was being daring and different, etc. I felt so good walking home. I was consciously aware of defying my mother, but in a rebellious teen way. What I recently connected was that subconsciously I was ensuring that I would never be forced to have a perm again. It seems like a little thing, but as I continue to make these connections, I start to learn more about me and my motives. Messages received and lessons learned young in life have informed me and my choices in ways I never dreamed. I was on autopilot for a long time, yet thought I wasn't. So I think yes, perhaps someone can become addicted to miserable behavior, but not in a chemical way like drugs and alcohol. That's my take on it, only. And only for now. Thanks for letting me share.