Quote:
Originally Posted by Reminder  Being addicted to drugs or alcohol may bring a lot of misery to someone, but at least there is a payoff initially. What is the payoff for being addicted to pure misery? |
It took a lot of therapy, but one thing I learned is that there is
always a payoff, whether consciously or subconsciously . I didn't do the things I did because I was stupid, or naive, or loved being miserable. I was getting something out of it. If you can identify the payoff, you can unlock the secrets to your own behavior.
For me, some of the payoffs were feeling superior, not having to face my own shortcomings, getting my way, albeit temporarily. I was very manipulative, although I didn't see it at the time. By being with someone who was miserable themselves, and being in a miserable relationship, I could get away with passive-aggressiveness and other behaviors that I never could have pulled off otherwise. Healthy, strong, self-confident people were intimidating to me because in the face of those qualities, I would have to look directly at myself.
L