Hi everyone,
I'm rather recently diagnosed as bipolar NOS. When I have a problem, I tend to educate myself as much as possible about the issue, so I've read tons of books on the disorder (I'm also working on my PhD in Psychology/Neuroscience, so I do have a pretty good knowledge of at least the chemistry of this disorder). But books just can't tell me this. I'm very academically educated, but it's difficult to be 'practically' educated.
I'm 23, I'm in graduate school and some days I have a hard time with this. I get very frustrated with having to be so vigilant and I often wish this wasn't my life. I try very hard to remind myself that it IS my life and that I DO have this to contend with and the best way to handle it is to keep seeing my psychiatrist and keep taking my drugs and keep being honest about what's happening. But it's still SO frustrating.
Wondered if anyone out there who is dealing with this has felt the same way? Any advice or tips for living with this? I know it's here for the rest of my life. I know that it's just a part of me. And I know that I can make positive choices every day to make my life better. But it's just so tempting to fall back on my addict ways and use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate when I'm frustrated.
Anyone dealt with this? Any suggestions as to what to do?
I really want to be positive but I'm really frustrated tonight. Some days I can roll with it and just accept that it's my life and be positive because the alternative of being negative sucks and gets me nowhere but sad...but sometimes (like tonight) I fall prey to the alternative. I'm going to try to do some yoga and meditate awhile...but I'd love some input on if/how any of you deal with such feelings?
There's only so much our medication can control. My moods are pretty stable, generally speaking, but when I think about how much I have to worry about exactly what I'm feeling...when I'm in a good mood, I think, is this good too good? is this energy too much energy?...and when I'm bummed, I think, is this too sad? am I too down?...it's just so much.
I'm sorry. I'm so whiny tonight (pity part for me! feel free to not celebrate
). Basically, I just want to know if anyone has felt this? If so, what do you do?
I love this community...and despite my shi**y mood tonight, I'm thankful for a group of people who have stood in my place and are far wiser than me. This is a great place and you all are great for all you do for each other