[RufusACanal]

Since it has come up again, I would like to segue over to this continuing controversy over the real Alcoholic. First, I go to the Big Book. Why? The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is the basic text for our fellowship; this book is the study guide to a New Life. As a member of AA for a few twenty four hours, I use what is suggested by those who recovered from a seemingly hope malady called Alcoholism, not Expressionism and where better to find the answers than in a place where the solution is clearly given. When I read the posts that are in opposition to the term real Alcoholic, I have to scratch my head. To better understand my discontent, I go to the source, the Big Book.

"As we look back, we feel we had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power. If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks."

I questioned for years not my Alcoholism, but rather if my life was worth recovery. I had lost hope that I would ever amount to anything. Being a real Alcoholic was never in doubt, becoming a member of society and living free was always something unobtainable. Over the years and the many relapses, I began to realize that many Alcoholics did not drink like I did and continue living; was I different? At some point I simply accepted that my pattern was different not my disease.

“To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years. Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop. We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere. But try and get them to see it!”

Some years ago, when I accepted my Alcoholism as real, not a myth, I began to recover. Acceptance that I could move past the pain into the light with a restoration of hope finally came to me. There was relief that I knew who I was and was accepted by my peers. I no longer had to hide in the shadows and seek death and every turn. I was a real Alcoholic just like the book said and with this realization, I began to accept the solutions presented in the Book.

“We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.”

That was me; a man who could never recover control of my drinking – a real Alcoholic. Even today, I find it hard to describe the exhilaration I feel knowing what I truly am. It is one thing knowing what are you, it is vast different to know who you are.

Now back to our difference of thinking. Why is the term real Alcoholic such a stumbling block to so many?

“Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.”

I was unwilling in those earlier years to admit that I was a real Alcoholic, in spite of the evidence to the contrary.

“We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.”

I will leave this here and continue later, work calls.