SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Fluxion · 11-20-2008, 11:42 AM

Ya know Denny, it's funny you mention that...

I was also one of the happiest people you'd ever want to meet, Optimistic to a fault, (Malignant optimism). Thats what I though kept me "stuck" too. Yet I had two relationships with abusive alcoholics? Why'd I do that?

When things got ugly, my friends would say, "you change when he's around, your not your usual funny, outgoing self"(this is why I blamed HIM for so long, "if he would just stop being a jerk" ect...).
That was true, I did change for the worse, so WHY did I do THAT?

Looking back, I remember thinking, as a kid, "I WILL have a good life, "in spite" of "this", I Will be happy, "in spite" of "this". I don't think I said it or anything, I just BELIEVED it. I can see now, how maybe I am drawn toward something/someone to be happy "In Spite Of".

Without something to be "Against", I seem to flounder. I need to learn how to get that same drive and focus moving toward something I am "FOR" rather than away from something I am "AGAINST". Once I truly own my own life, it seems I hardly know what to do with it lol!

Thanks for your comments, really made me think today.

11-20-2008, 11:42 AM	#12 (permalink)
Fluxion Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: could be anywhere Posts: 32	Ya know Denny, it's funny you mention that... I was also one of the happiest people you'd ever want to meet, Optimistic to a fault, (Malignant optimism). Thats what I though kept me "stuck" too. Yet I had two relationships with abusive alcoholics? Why'd I do that? When things got ugly, my friends would say, "you change when he's around, your not your usual funny, outgoing self"(this is why I blamed HIM for so long, "if he would just stop being a jerk" ect...). That was true, I did change for the worse, so WHY did I do THAT? Looking back, I remember thinking, as a kid, "I WILL have a good life, "in spite" of "this", I Will be happy, "in spite" of "this". I don't think I said it or anything, I just BELIEVED it. I can see now, how maybe I am drawn toward something/someone to be happy "In Spite Of". Without something to be "Against", I seem to flounder. I need to learn how to get that same drive and focus moving toward something I am "FOR" rather than away from something I am "AGAINST". Once I truly own my own life, it seems I hardly know what to do with it lol! Thanks for your comments, really made me think today.