That's all me in a nutshell.
At least, it was.
I was addicted to misery, so I had to do what addicts do:
--taper down and quit
--keep myself from getting hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (for a couple of years!)
--substitute healthy behaviors for the sick ones
--develop a support group of healthy people to replace the sick ones I'd felt most comfortable being around
--do lots of inner work to heal what was broken
Most of all, I had to want to get better. I had to
recognize what it was I was getting out of staying sick and sad. There
definitely was a huge payoff to it......I was the center of attention, I had nonstop TV drama in my life which made me feel important, it was always someone/something else's job to make me happy or not, I had my childhood hysteria back so I could "try to get it right this time....." Just a ton of reasons to stay exactly where I was.
I just had to find something that was more valuable to me than the profits I reaped from being unhealthy. Until then, all the therapy, antidepressents, and self-help books in the world didn't help.
Thanks SO much for this post, fluxion. I needed this reminder tonight, as I am backsliding a little bit.
