[mattcake79]

Bamb, I'm sorry it took me a while to answer your post.

I can definitely relate.

Originally Posted by Bamboozle

Anyone out there who had low self esteem, practically zero confidence, was constantly afraid of what people thought, and yet somehow found a way to overcome all of that crap and live an “out loud and proud” fulfilling life?

Yes, I used to be that way. Filled with fear and guilt, with almost no self-esteem. It took me years of therapy, introspection and hard work to overcome it - and I still managed to develop an alcohol problem on the side.

The only thing that has helped me is to realize that I love who I am. Most of my fears stemmed from the "outside": people, institutions, even the media brought me down. Well, it took a LOT of determination and ruthlessness to finally yell "to hell with you!!", but it was worth it. And yes, I meant it. Like you, I consider myself a compassionate, sensitive person, but there is only so much bull a person can take - it's a matter of self preservation, pure and simple. These days, I gladly take constructive criticism from people I respect. Those who are close to me know that I'm easygoing and loving, and that I make a point of *never* hurting anyone intentionally. However, anyone who steps on my toes for the heck of it will get the finger - and that's when I'm in a good mood -.-

Maybe my feelings of sadness and rejection turned into drive. These days, I'm discovering my anger as well, and I'm trying to deal with it constructively. But, ultimately, nobody is going to liberate you from fear - you are the only person who can do that for himself. And it's not about an ego trip, either:

Loving yourself is NOT the same thing as being an egotist.

It's about appreciating all the good in you. Accepting your shortcomings and being willing to work on them. Realizing that you are no better or no worse than anyone. Acknowledging your rights, including your right to happiness, security and self-worth. Your right to both give and receive love. And, above all, I think it's about being true to yourself.

Look at yourself honestly, with *your* own eyes, and accept who you are. You CAN change whatever aspects of yourself that you don't like. But do so because YOU don't like them, not because you're told to by whomever. Wallowing in pity will take you nowhere, so stand up for yourself and who you are. Help yourSelf. That's not being arrogant, it's being a person for yourself. I don't think you should apologize for that.