holiday

Thanks woops. For how long were you on that much Ativan?

I would taper if I became dysfunctional or very uncomfortable, but I'm ok. I wanted off this stuff because I wondered if perhaps the ativan was the reason I never felt really good any more. It used to be I could lie in bed and listen to the morning and feel bliss. I hadn't had that in months. I wasn't as anxious as usual, but in a small subtle way I was numb. And with that wonder, I wanted off as fast as I could.

I'm usually a bit hyperactive, even on the Ativan, but now I feel slow and smooth. If I drink more than a cup of coffee I get sketchy - suspicious, I seek reassurance. I'm used to a lot of coffee (maybe why I was anxious and hyperactive!) so I think that maybe the coffee withdrawal is subduing the anxiety I expected of the Ativan withdrawal? Just a hunch.

I don't feel quite right yet. But I could live with this for a long time. I'm ok. I have my blissful moments again.

From what I've read, the stories of how difficult this process can be, I feel very very lucky. I know that I'm not normal yet, but I am not suffering.

Another thing: I haven't felt like drinking all week. I usually have at least 2-3 a day, and sometimes a lot. But last night was Friday night so I had a few. It was a moderate night for me, but I became clumsy and stupid very quickly.