Oh Lilya, you really do have your plate full...bless you. Yes, I am taking inventory of what I can take on, and what I cannot. I WILL get thru this withdrawal, and with the grace and mercy of my HP, I will NEVER detox again, maybe I had to go through this again, to see what a truly progressive disease addiction is, and how I MUST be more vigilant. I don't know if I can bear the same withdrawal I had last May, but my angels were with me then, and I am sure they won't desert me this time, the depression and suicidal thoughts and PAIN just make me very sad with myself, and wanting to help my dad, yet knowing HE must decide for himself if he wants freedom or not. It's also wearing on me that my mom inferred she has breast cancer...but I WILL learn to detach and get my life in order, I have to. I have two children, a husband....I love my family more than anything on this earth....and as for treating the chronic pain, I am thinking about acupuncture...do you know much about the effectiveness of this Lilya? or anyone? The other night I was on the floor in so much pain afraid to scream and my family hear me......I am on a waiting list for state assisted medical coverage where I will pay a small amount and have some coverage. Between the pain from withdrawal, and the physical pain I am truly scared, as anyone would be, but I have also been praying really hard, asking God's will for a miracle...I DO believe in miracles, I just get so caught up in taking on too much, or neglecting my recovery, and I get lost and forget my faith, I forget all I have endured through and overcome, I must focus on what I have done, what I will do, and that I AM worthy of peace and happiness...and freedom. Anyways, I am rambling on, trying to keep busy. Been getting the house cleaned and other little things done so while I am detoxing it will be smoother.......I am trying to make a plan, write it down and stick to it......action, that is my "magic" fix, I have to take ACTION.......
Take good care of you Lilya......you must be extremely stressed. I so feel for you. Hugs and prayers, and love and light across the sea....
Thanks for your encouragement, all of you. I love you.
