[unholy_mess]

Hi, your post sounds very similar to where I've been in the past. With regards to your alcohol use...generally people who aren't alcoholics never think of it as a possibility. Also, I would tend to say that it's not always necessarily how much or how often you drink (though that's most certainly a HUGE red flag), but the negative consequences as a result of your drinking and continuing to drink to that level though you have a history of negative consequences. And I'm a little concerned about the trigger to continue drinking until drunk once you start...that's something I've certainly experienced (as well as all of the above). I swore I didn't have a problem because I didn't drink all the time...but every time I did, I got drunk and had ridiculous consequences...and still did it. But, that's certainly a decision you have to make for yourself. And good for you for at least considering the possibility of a problem and addressing it. Oh, and I was SUCH a klepto when I was drunk! I would steal ANYTHING just for the rush! And I guess here is where I should mention that I am most certainly without a doubt an alcoholic.

I'm often scared of making mistakes forever and the only advice I can give you is first, stick with therapy, and second, take each day as it comes. The past is gone. There is absolutely nothing that can be done to change it. Try to focus on what decisions you can make RIGHT NOW. I know it sounds easier said than done. As for figuring out how to solve the problem when you don't know what it is, I'm not totally sure, but start with what you do know and address it and build from there.
And I don't know you, so feel free to talk away. Sounds like we've been in some similar places. Sorry for the novel of a response...!