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:sorry I have had a lot on my mind lately, but is stuff i feel like I would get in trouble for if i had to admit it to someone who knew me. I know that sounds silly - but think of it like someone with a closet problem. I'm 27 years old and I have made some very bad decisions. I see a therapist less frequently as things appear to be getting better and more stable. I'm on anti-depressants and have family history of depression. I also have family history of alcoholism.

I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, but I know that is exactly the problem for most people - they wouldn't say they are when they are. I don't drink very often anymore, maybe once every month or two. Sometimes when I do it prompts me to keep going until I am drunk. I guess that sounds normal but in retrospect I have made some very bad decisions that wind up with me doing something very wrong once I'm drunk. I'm not talking about anything violent or harmful to people but I lack all judgement when it comes to anything and steal or vandalize things. When I look back, there was no reason for it. I don't know why I did it.

How can I solve the problem if I don't know what it is? How can I find the reasons for my actions when I just don't know why I made them? I am scared that I will never be able to fix the problem and live a normal happy life. I'm scared of making mistakes forever.