[2stop]

As I am preparing to fully withdraw from opiates again, I am having big fears of the depression that hits so hard during detox, I am doing this at home, but am setting a plan, I have someone to call, I am going to do online meetings until the worst of the withdrawals are over, even went last to the one here, though I was shaking and so sick. I am being more conscious of what I eat, increasing my water and fluids, and have 2 boxes of green tea on the counter to sip at thru out the day. I will fully tapered off in a couple days. I am preparing myself for the mental part, the depression, like Juls always tells me it's the fear of the anxiety, the fear of the depression that really rocks our world with this. So I am paying particular attention to my feelings of fear, and will call someone, or post here with these fears so as to get them out of my head and done with sooner, than later.
After seeeing my dad yesterday in the hospital and what his addiction has done to him, I really stepped back and said Tammie...YOU HAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE...STOP TRYING TO SAVE HIM>>>AND SAVE YOURSELF. It is very very difficult for me to detach from my parents and the feeling i need to save them, but it is what I am going to do...I have to. It did something to my heart, seeing him lay there, asking the nurse over and over did the morphine really go in, asking for more for his headache, the nurse said they will treat his headache with Tylenol, and he was pissed, I think they are getting alerted to the fact he is drug seeking, overdosing on your insulin all the time will take a toll on your heart, he said they may put in a pacemaker...but I would have to speak with his doctor to really know, he says lots of things that are not true. He is never happier than being in a hospoital setting, from the Veterans hospitals to the local, he bounces back and forth. His poor wife is comcerned and scared, telling me he isbecoming more aggressive with road rage, brutal with his mouth at home, yelling screaming...she said Tammie, he is like a street junkie searching for his fix, she is very timid an dshy and had aterribly abusive previous marriage, my heart aches for her, she wouldn't talk much when I first met her, but now she speaks right up, the neighbor lady she has never seen her talk as much as she does now(Me bought my dad's old house) so they known her for 10 years. I fel good that I have been able to help her feel more open and trusting of people, but I hate seeing what she is going through with my dad. We don't know if we should at least speak with his doctors, I know I have to save myself, but what should I do reharding speaking to his doctor? His wife would be quite fearful and timid of speaking to a doctor....and I don't mind helping...but how much should I help? Should I completely back off, supporting her with friendship and kindess? my dad says she wants to think of me as her daughter! Bless her, no one has ever encouraged her, never helped her feel accepted......and now my dad acting like this..He became angry that we had to leave yesterday, the nurse said to him you are on a critical unit, not here to chat, he asked for more morphine, I think he is faking the chest pains, he has done this before...I don't know, I am just torn, my grandma has been moved to a care home, they say she has lost her mind, stroke, and dementia....We weren't able to get to see her yesterday and I feel so guilty I cannot just drive 30 minures away and sit with her. I know I have to be "selfish" and take care of myself, but how much do I back off from being supportive? It is only narural to care and want to comfort the suffering you know?
Sorry for the long post, trying to really overcome and get back in charge of MY life, having issues with boundaries. Thanks for loving me where I am my friends, I love you all so much.

:yellowros