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chloes1 · 11-04-2008, 03:27 AM

I'm new here, just wanted to introduce myself...

I have Rheumatoid arthritis as well as Osteoporosis, (thin bones) and Fibro as well. I have been taking pain meds and abusing them from pretty much from the time I was diagnosed 7 years ago.

My addiction has caused all the usual problems for me. Job loss, lost friends, the lying and stealing and well you get the idea.

I have been without the opiate for 13 days now and I am hoping that the physical w/d is pretty much over. I was taking oxycodone 5 mgs and when I finally really understood that I must find a way to stop I was using upwards of 20 pills a day along with Ambien (3-4 a day just to soothe the jittery nervy feelings) and don't get me started on the anti depressant! I have managed this at home, with virtually no help from anyone else.

I have a toddler who is the light of my life. The father sees our son most days, although he and I do not have a relationship beyond our son.

The difficulty is that I have all these reasons to get off these evil little pills and somehow I cannot manage to do it. I went to some NA meetings but those were some scary people let me tell you! I had one woman insist that she was going to be my sponser (aren't we supposed to be choosing them??) but only if I stopped taking all of my meds. Needless to say that didn't last very long! I did go to some AA meetings, but I gotta tell you the nearest one is about 40 miles one way. My son and I live on my disabilty check (SSDI) and I simply cannot afford to drive to the meetings as often as I would like. Besides which it feels deceitful to go to an AA meetings when alcohol isn't really the problem, how do you claim to clean up your act if you begin by lying?

Also I have genune pain. I hurt! This flare has really been miserable, I cannot manage to grasp sheets to make the beds, turn the taps to bathe either one of us, even turning the key in the ignition of my car is just about impossible. Not treating my pain is unrealistic.

So, I am trying to maintain some pain control without resorting to opiates. I am terrified that I will die if I relapse. I have come so very close already... If this pain doesn't get better I'm going to be in deep trouble. I cannot manage opiates, but I can't live like this either.

In short I am alone in this, frightened of the tomorrows, ashamed of my past (My God the people I have hurt!) and in a lot of pain. This will get better, won't it??

11-04-2008, 03:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
chloes1 Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Oregon Posts: 45	First time here I'm new here, just wanted to introduce myself... I have Rheumatoid arthritis as well as Osteoporosis, (thin bones) and Fibro as well. I have been taking pain meds and abusing them from pretty much from the time I was diagnosed 7 years ago. My addiction has caused all the usual problems for me. Job loss, lost friends, the lying and stealing and well you get the idea. I have been without the opiate for 13 days now and I am hoping that the physical w/d is pretty much over. I was taking oxycodone 5 mgs and when I finally really understood that I must find a way to stop I was using upwards of 20 pills a day along with Ambien (3-4 a day just to soothe the jittery nervy feelings) and don't get me started on the anti depressant! I have managed this at home, with virtually no help from anyone else. I have a toddler who is the light of my life. The father sees our son most days, although he and I do not have a relationship beyond our son. The difficulty is that I have all these reasons to get off these evil little pills and somehow I cannot manage to do it. I went to some NA meetings but those were some scary people let me tell you! I had one woman insist that she was going to be my sponser (aren't we supposed to be choosing them??) but only if I stopped taking all of my meds. Needless to say that didn't last very long! I did go to some AA meetings, but I gotta tell you the nearest one is about 40 miles one way. My son and I live on my disabilty check (SSDI) and I simply cannot afford to drive to the meetings as often as I would like. Besides which it feels deceitful to go to an AA meetings when alcohol isn't really the problem, how do you claim to clean up your act if you begin by lying? Also I have genune pain. I hurt! This flare has really been miserable, I cannot manage to grasp sheets to make the beds, turn the taps to bathe either one of us, even turning the key in the ignition of my car is just about impossible. Not treating my pain is unrealistic. So, I am trying to maintain some pain control without resorting to opiates. I am terrified that I will die if I relapse. I have come so very close already... If this pain doesn't get better I'm going to be in deep trouble. I cannot manage opiates, but I can't live like this either. In short I am alone in this, frightened of the tomorrows, ashamed of my past (My God the people I have hurt!) and in a lot of pain. This will get better, won't it??