Originally Posted by Rarly Harley  Let's share our own stories about how we surrendered, joined AA/NA and completed Step One......
Alchohol was my best friend for a number of years. Probably from age 20 to 30. It allowed me to be and do anything I wanted. It was the solution to all my problems (so I thought). By 1982, however, I had crossed the invisible line from binge/party drinking, to active alchoholism, but I didn't know it. I was flying striker's colours for a 1% club and my handle was "Mad Dog". I could perform this role easily enough when I was drunk and stoned, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to face what I had done the next morning.
An internal "tug of war" began in my guts. I didn't like that much, so the sure cure to terminate the internal battle was to drink upon awakening. I had completely turned away from organized religion and everything it stood for, but even though I had abandoned all that, there was a power at work in my life. In late 1982, the girl I had taken hostage told me she was pregnant. I immediately responded with "let's get married then". This response did not come from me. I had always cut and run all my life, if any girls got too close.
I got married, quit the club and moved north. Only trouble was, I took me with me. I worked in a sawmill in White River. My drinking got worse. I would disappear for days at a time. We had a son, but that didn't slow me down. I made a home made bomb (plastic bag with proprietory gas mixture...LOL) for the Halloween dance at the Legion Hall. At the end of the dance, when the dancefloor was clear, I set it off in the middle of the dance floor. It got everyone's attention, for sure. Long story short, I was eventually charged with terrorism, that I intended to blow up the Legion and kill everyone in it. Not good. My lawyer suggested that completing a 28 day addictions treatment program in Thunder Bay, would make the judge happy. Off I went.
I acted my way through treatment. By the end of it, I knew I was an alchoholic, but there was no way that I was going to admit my life was unmanageable. About 50% surrender. I then proceeded to beat the terrorism rap, with strict instructions from the judge not to consume alchohol during my 2 year probation. After fingerprinting (again) at the city jail, I went straight to the bar and got drunk. For the next 5 years, I tried every method imaginable to control my drinking. Nothing worked. I was becoming more and more discusted with myself, but I could not stop. The night of March 20, 1990, I ran a cop car off the road and was charged with impaired driving and cocaine possession. When I woke up the next morning, I knew I was done. I called a guy I knew in AA and went to my first meeting that night.
I threw myself 100% into recovery. I went to every meeting I could. I got a sponsor and started talking to him. I started reading the Big Book and the 12 x 12. My unmanageability was blatantly revealed to me. I was told to put my AA recovery at the very top of my priority list and keep it there. I did, even through the inevitable divorce 1 year later and watching my 2 young children leave with their Mother. Even through finding out 2 weeks later that the boyfriend I didn't know about, moved in with my kids and ex wife as soon as I moved them back home. Surrendering 100% to AA has saved my life. I am now living a life that I did not know existed, far beyond my wildest dreams. I am so grateful that I was able to surrender 100%. I've seen way too many alchoholics die, who could not, or would not, completely surrender to AA. That's the abreviated version of my journey to step one, Brothers and Sisters. I look forward to reading yours.... |