(((Lily)))
I'm so sorry that you're hurting.
I know I stayed with my ex for way too long myself. And then remained emotionally attached for much longer, allowing myself to be hurt even longer. Then, the time finally came when I was really ready to say "goodbye" without the rancor or the pain. Only then was it over for me.
I hope that day comes for you soon. You deserve your peace.
In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself.
And come here to share as much as you need.
That's why we're here.
Shalom!