here's one of my favourites from my ex:
he had a probation appointment in the morning and went out with his friends - it was the day that I had taken him to get his Ritalin prescription and I remember having a HUGE fight with him about leaving the pills home (by this time I had serious suspicions that he was not "losing" them every month) ... he was supposed to be home in a few hours, didn't come home at all ... called me the next day crying, freaking out because he'd been up all night, slept thru his probation appointment and his probation officer was breaching him ... left messages on our machine "oh sure, when i need you you're not there" ... (I was out looking for him to take him to his probation appointment)
His excuse? He told his probation officer he missed the bus ... but couldn't catch another one cuz he had no bus fair (well then how would he have paid the first time, right?) ... if he got breached he was going to kill himself, but didn't want his probation officer to call an ambulance ...
Told me the guy was an a-hole and hated him and always laughed at him when he talked to him (hmmm ... ya maybe he was laughing at the excuses he got EVERY time my ex couldn't make an appointment).
*sigh*