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lizw · 10-24-2008, 04:23 PM

They say fear is faith that's said it's prayers.

It's been nearly 2 years for me since I was diagnosed with MS and sometimes I wonder if it is navie hope that keeps me going or faith.

When I am in a good mood I think it is faith and when I am in a bad mood I think it is navie optimism.

I was 8 years sober when I was diagnosed with MS and in the last 2 years I have had more thoughts of drinking and/or using as well as dreams of doing this, since maybe my first year of soberity.

The worst day was probably xmas 06 as I'd had an allergic reaction to the meds they gave me and one of my eyes had swollen shut. I'd also ended a relationship I was in as there was no way it could continue with my bad health and put my house on the market. I was also struggling about what to do with my business I had started. My daughter and myself also had a huge argument in the morning. So it was a real merry xmas.

But I was at my parents house, they were drinking wine, and the only thing that stopped me was I knew my parents wouldn't give me any so there was no point asking or even helping myself as they would have had a fit. They know what I was like as my daughter went to live with them at the end of my drinking. And my Mum went to Al Anon.

From memory, after that, I went home (had to be driven as by that stage I couldn't drive either) and I spent the afternoon lying on my bed, crying and sleeping.

I think about the situation I was in on xmas day and I see it as God looking after me as I was in no postion at all to look after myself. I also usually resent the fact that my folks are 'controlling' but for me on that day, it was a God send.

I often hear in AA, God loves little children and drunks.

10-24-2008, 04:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
lizw God's Kid Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,561	They say fear is faith that's said it's prayers. It's been nearly 2 years for me since I was diagnosed with MS and sometimes I wonder if it is navie hope that keeps me going or faith. When I am in a good mood I think it is faith and when I am in a bad mood I think it is navie optimism. I was 8 years sober when I was diagnosed with MS and in the last 2 years I have had more thoughts of drinking and/or using as well as dreams of doing this, since maybe my first year of soberity. The worst day was probably xmas 06 as I'd had an allergic reaction to the meds they gave me and one of my eyes had swollen shut. I'd also ended a relationship I was in as there was no way it could continue with my bad health and put my house on the market. I was also struggling about what to do with my business I had started. My daughter and myself also had a huge argument in the morning. So it was a real merry xmas. But I was at my parents house, they were drinking wine, and the only thing that stopped me was I knew my parents wouldn't give me any so there was no point asking or even helping myself as they would have had a fit. They know what I was like as my daughter went to live with them at the end of my drinking. And my Mum went to Al Anon. From memory, after that, I went home (had to be driven as by that stage I couldn't drive either) and I spent the afternoon lying on my bed, crying and sleeping. I think about the situation I was in on xmas day and I see it as God looking after me as I was in no postion at all to look after myself. I also usually resent the fact that my folks are 'controlling' but for me on that day, it was a God send. I often hear in AA, God loves little children and drunks. __________________ ....blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.