Newguy,
I completely sympathize with you. Distrust, fear of others, fear of failure, and the reluctance to move forward in school and to meet people - those are feeling s that I know well. It seems like you have grown up in a home that has addiction and/or alcoholism problems.
Your feelings are there because that is what addiction does - it molds the addict's mind and the minds of the people around the addict to serve its one purpose of keeping the addiction going.
Yet, these are your feelings and thoughts and only you, the thinking part of the brain, can bring these thoughts into the light and work on them. A therapist is a great help to give you the tools to do this work. It takes work and therapy does not work quickly, but you can feel the progress.
You can, CAN, get better. You have to acknowledge that this is your problem and that you need help to move forward. You can also look to your Higher Power (read/post the secular resources part of this forum if you the g_d word doesn't work for you). Many schools have counseling offices - go there if one is available. You can tame those beasts.
