SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Major confusion-Need feedback

tortoise · 10-23-2008, 07:21 PM

I really NEED feedback. My husband and I lived on our son's property, who is an only child in his 30's. He acknowledges he had a good childhood and his father was a good dad. However, now that they are both men, my son has decided that his father needed to quit drinking in 30 days or he had to move off his property, My son was specific that I didn't need to move. He couldn't understand why I would be leaving with my husband. I wasn't taking on the challenge of "changing" my husbands behavior, since he was trying, I felt a more compassionate approach was appropriate. I was working 100 hrs/week and felt it was not the time that I chose to address this issue and felt that the roof over my head was also being removed-I felt it wasn't his decision to make for me to stay there if my husband left. I did find a wonderful place to live and my husband and I feel far less stress. My son has decided that since I chose to leave with him and didn't have enough respect for myself, he didn't respect me enough to talk to me either. My son is very strong willed and conversations usually end up in a debate-where you feel like you simply have to back down just to get him to leave you alone, debate is putting it lightly, if you don't agree he is down right confrontational. My husband used to drink 12-18 beers a day and was obviously intoxicated, would talk ridiculous and did many disloyal things while drunk. However, that has since changed years ago. I feel that is between my husband and myself. He is currently drinking 6 beers a day. He makes no demands on me and we have always been very close. Childhood sweethearts. I know the line "he is such a good man" is a cliche but I feel that my husband is trying quite hard and making great strides. I love my son very much and this really saddens me. My son suggested a family therapist for the 3 of us. My husband agreed to that but now my son doesn't want that. I am not sure if I am being manipulated, being codependent, or verbally abused by my son or is he trying to help? My family background is that my father was a very mean alcoholic and eventually died due to complications of all those years of drinking. How am I so mixed up??? This just doesn't even say it all....but ran out of letters.

10-23-2008, 07:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
tortoise Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 7	Major confusion-Need feedback I really NEED feedback. My husband and I lived on our son's property, who is an only child in his 30's. He acknowledges he had a good childhood and his father was a good dad. However, now that they are both men, my son has decided that his father needed to quit drinking in 30 days or he had to move off his property, My son was specific that I didn't need to move. He couldn't understand why I would be leaving with my husband. I wasn't taking on the challenge of "changing" my husbands behavior, since he was trying, I felt a more compassionate approach was appropriate. I was working 100 hrs/week and felt it was not the time that I chose to address this issue and felt that the roof over my head was also being removed-I felt it wasn't his decision to make for me to stay there if my husband left. I did find a wonderful place to live and my husband and I feel far less stress. My son has decided that since I chose to leave with him and didn't have enough respect for myself, he didn't respect me enough to talk to me either. My son is very strong willed and conversations usually end up in a debate-where you feel like you simply have to back down just to get him to leave you alone, debate is putting it lightly, if you don't agree he is down right confrontational. My husband used to drink 12-18 beers a day and was obviously intoxicated, would talk ridiculous and did many disloyal things while drunk. However, that has since changed years ago. I feel that is between my husband and myself. He is currently drinking 6 beers a day. He makes no demands on me and we have always been very close. Childhood sweethearts. I know the line "he is such a good man" is a cliche but I feel that my husband is trying quite hard and making great strides. I love my son very much and this really saddens me. My son suggested a family therapist for the 3 of us. My husband agreed to that but now my son doesn't want that. I am not sure if I am being manipulated, being codependent, or verbally abused by my son or is he trying to help? My family background is that my father was a very mean alcoholic and eventually died due to complications of all those years of drinking. How am I so mixed up??? This just doesn't even say it all....but ran out of letters.