[nandm]

I strongly suggest speaking with your doctor regarding how you are feeling. No matter whether the depression is situational or chemical it is still very real and needs to be treated. The suicide of a parent is not a legacy any child deserves to be left with. Even if you don't feel your life is worth saving for you please take your children into consideration here. All too often the survivors of a family member who has committed suicide are left with guilt that lasts the rest of their lives. Do you want your children to always question if they were the reason you did it? Even a note does not change the questions and guilt and often times just leaves more questions than answers. Drinking at this point will not help, it is what helped get you into this mess in the first place if I am understanding your post. Now would be a good time to apply the program of AA not only will it help with the drinking but it will give you the tools to get past this mess. Please see your doctor, go to an AA meeting, call legal aid, throw out the alcohol, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.