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First you need to not even attempt suicide so it goes on your record if you ever want to see your kids. It's normal to feel doomed when all that happens. It will clear up in time. Drinking only prolongs the process. Once you quit drinking and face those demons and work on them then you can start to build a happy life for you and those children can visit.
The legal system is not set in stone so if there is an order you can always take her back. There are free legal services out there if you do run out of cash. Money is just material.
You are in a depression and you need to get help to go through this. It's tough when we are taken out of our normal routine. Things can get better. Make some phone calls and get in a group of peers. We are here for you.
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