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Originally Posted by ananda  It simply means that the person isn't doing AA the way that someone else thinks they should. |
well no comment on other people, but here's my experience with that
years ago, I went to some big book seminars three years in a row, they laid out "precisely how we have recovered" and for the next year or two i don't know if I have ever been so unhappy in my life...I was running around book thumping yelling at everyone and sharing at meetings "you're all doing it wrooooong!!!"
I was a
mess!!!!and I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy!
finally I was working the steps again, got to step three, about the actor:
In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing.
then:
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?
A HUGE light went on...even if I was virtuous, kind, considerate, patient, self sacrificing...whatever...
I am still trying to run the show.
Doing kind things but having expectations, "giving gifts with strings", having conditional love, for me, soon makes me as sick as I have ever been.
I mean
ILL.
I call that "the good actor blues" and I still struggle with it today on occasion in my personal relationships...as a matter of fact, I'm struggling mightily with it right this second.
It was funny, I was talking to a sober friend, and he was like Blam, third step, go read, so I did, and was like oooooh yeaaah, the good actor blues, cool, ok, let go let god walk away buh bye.
That sh1t is PAINFUL for me,
because I think i'm doing the right thing.
It's just best if I work on my own program...it really is, If I'm not manager material for my own life, I'm Dammed sure not fit to run yours.
the really sad part, some of these granola eatin, step 4 burnin, chantin, doin it all wrong fools?
they stayed sober, and I drank.
I still see many of these folks around, and they changed, they really got a spiritual awakening, AA, done p1ss poor wrong (IMHO back then) actually worked for them...I mean crazy stuff...tying your fourth step on a balloon and letting it go on step 5......I can't even remember half the ways I've heard the steps being worked...but some pretty bizarre stuff (this IS Marin....)
but now we have thousands upon thousands "kids" in their early twenties and even teens putting together some pretty impressive sobriety, I go to the local chip meeting and every week there is someone who doesn't barely look old enough to shave (exaggeration, but not much, they look YOUNG) getting a twenty plus year chip.
Plus, it's not always the messenger, I have a buttload of old sponsees that I was their first sponsor and took them through the steps the first time, out there with anywhere from 7 to 15 years of sobriety. It's the message that's important.
Quote: Alcoholics Anonymous
First Edition