Hi Paul,
I am responding to your statements with my own, personal experience. What you have accomplished speaks for itself and my comments are not meant to devalue it in any way. Just a different perspective from another guy who is relatively new to sobriety and AA.
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The reality is i haven't got step 1. I know i am powerless over alcohol, but as regards my life being unmanageable is what i have an issue with.
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Powerless over alcohol refers to the mental obsession (sickness) that takes me to that first drink. Then the uncontrollable craving kicks in. After 25 years of out of control, blackout drinking and swearing off alcohol over and over again, I can’t argue that I have power over alcohol.
I look back at where I was last December. Family, career, and mental health in serious jeopardy. Completely obsessed with drinking. My life was unmanageable. I can’t gloss it over and pretend it was no big deal. I would have lost everything important to me if I continued drinking.
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Maybe i can remain sober, by carrying on the way i am. I am happy, i am loving life, i have put things into place that has turned my life around over the last year.
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I feel like this when everything is going well for me. But what about when my sobriety is truly tested? Since I joined AA, I lost my aunt and young cousin. A very close relative is going through a very stressful period in her life (involves alcohol, physical abuse, children in care). I also reached the highest point in my career so far. There were many more highs and lows, what would have been temptations or excuses to drink in the past. I did not drink and most of the time I did not want to drink. I faced these situations in a responsible, helpful manner.
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We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.” I am starting to experience this and it is amazing. Something I have not felt since I was 15 years old, before I started drinking.
Do you believe that alcohol is a non-issue for you? You are now done drinking, can forget about it and move on? You absolutely will not use alcohol to deal with the difficulties in life? I am not being sarcastic; my sister was able to do this after several years of blackout drinking. She did not need AA or any other program.
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The main issue i have is the spiritual side to the program.
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A simple, sincere prayer in the morning and another at night. Reading spiritual books, learning. Trying to be kind, helpful, responsible, grateful. That’s my spiritual “program”. Perhaps instead of looking at what is wrong with the spiritual aspect of AA, look at how you can make it work for you?
I look back at my 10 months of sobriety, no white-knuckling even through the darkest days. Was it all me? My self-will alone? For me, the answer is self-evident. A power greater than myself.
Whether you move forward with AA or not is truly a personal decision. It may in fact not be the right program for you. Whatever you decide, I do wish you the best.
Don
BB quote from the 1st edition of the BB