this is just for me, but the twelve steps allow me to be "comfortable in my own skin" after I quit drinking, I can "put the plug in the jug" just by attending meetings, but recently, I went a few years without attending meetings or working with newcomers, checking with a sponsor in short I stopped "working the program"
within maybe 6 months I was batsh1t crazy and didn't even realize it, I tried "fixing myself" with relationships, and it wasn't until that didn't work I began realizing how much pain I was in and ultimately after maybe 2 years, maybe 2.5 years, I drank.
For me, All I need to do is look at my life before I got to AA to realize when it came to running my own life I'm not "manager material"...I'm really not, I look at things like my relations with others, whether I am truly happy, my relationships (the big give-away), I mean really look at my life, but if I turn it over and do the next right thing, and don't try to run the show, my life gets really good.
I've had "drinking bottoms" but I have to say a "sober bottom" was all told, much more painful, i tried drinking for maybe 6 months, and it didn't "work", it didn't help.
I do the steps to "feel better", because after having long term sobriety, and long term "drinking" both under my belt, for me, I get more relief and feel better by working the steps then I do from drinking, and for me "living sober" without the steps eventually life turns into a "living hell"....it's a slow process, much like a frog being in a pot of water on the stove when it's turned on, the frog will just sit there and cook to death because the water temperature changes gradually, that's what life is like for me sober after "the pink cloud" wears off without the ongoing relief the steps bring me.
As far as the whole "god" thing, and the "christian based program" as a Californian that moved to Texas, that was regularly derided for "not being Christian" to actually having the kids at school beat me up, and even the teachers "spank me" while telling me if I was a christian this wouldn't be happening, put such a taste of of anti-Christianity in me that it was indescribable....today, after working the steps, it's been relieved, I am still VERY much a "non christian" but the truth is many of my closest friends in the program are devout Christians, and the funny thing is, when they speak about "god" I know what they mean, our "gods" couldn't be more different, I am much more "Buddhist/Taoist based,
we are saying the same thing in most cases, just using different language.vehicles to get there.
Friday night, I was at a meeting, and the speakers topic was "what is your concept of God?"
So I shared, "the beautiful thing about AA is my concept of God is none of your business, I get to have my OWN concept of God, whether it be
Group
of
Drunks,
Good
Orderly
Direction, whatever, but my God is My Business, not anyone else's, and AA isn't the Oxford group, by the grace of God (haha) AA number 100 fought tooth and nail to have "God as we understood him" put in the steps.
The reason I shared that was when I showed up to the rooms, my aversion and antipathy to the very word God, was...nearly physical in it's response, and in the Big Book, in "we agnostics, where it describes the aversion many of us had to organized religion, described me to a "T", I was plumb disgusted with all the horrible things and all the wars all done in "God's Name".
So, when I was new, if anyone would have tried to shove "the God concept" down my throat I would have been gone, what I was told was, don't worry about it, take what you need and leave the rest, when you get to step 3 with a sponsor you can worry about it then, and by the time I got to step 3 with my sponsor, it was no longer an issue.
Today, I have no problem with the concept of "God" although i do state at group level "my god doesn't have a willy" sometimes just to stir the pot a bit, and for me, I don't believe in an "otherness" or a "guiding intelligence" my God is my own, and my own business, and your God is your own business, I have argued with people about everything, I mean
EVERYTHING in AA except God, and the truth is, the word or the concept doesn't bother me any more, the steps need a "power greater then yourself" to work, and here's the kicker for me:
The steps are a radio for talking to God...you do them and they will manufacture a spiritual experience, which is defined by the Big Book as
"The terms "spiritual experience" and "spiritual awakening" are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism"
seemingly confusing language from someone that supposedly "doesn't believe in God" huh?
Chuck C in the book "A New Pair of Glasses" has about the closest concept I have seen to "a God of my understanding" that I've seen, yet he uses christian based language to describe his God...anyway, the point I am trying to make is,
Why don't you use your own concept of God?
I did, and it worked, and what the hell, if you are going to be sober anyway, and have all this spare time, why not try the steps just for the hell of it?
Here I am going to move strictly into opinion, if anything after this offends anyone, I am sorry, but up front,
it's just my opinion.
I can usually tell within moments of meeting someone if they have worked the steps and "have a good program". They are calmer, seem more at ease, and more content with themselves, take more personal responsibility for their actions, and they change.
I ran into a friend I haven't seen in three years the other night at a meeting, and to quote Bill W, "
He stood there, fresh-skinned and glowing. There was something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different." His very being shouted this was a man with an answer. It was bizarre, I have known this man for over thirty years yet didn't know the man standing in front of me. The peace and love in his eyes was astounding.
Read "Bill's Story" when Ebby Thatcher comes to visit him even, "
Quote:
With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory. To Christ I conceded the certa inty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching—most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.
The wars which had been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious dispute had facilitated, made me sick. I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good. Judging from what I had seen in Europe and since, the po wer of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest. If there was a Devil, he seemed the Boss Universal, and he certainly had me.
Despite the living example of my friend there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was intensified. I didn' t like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. I have since talked with scores of men who felt the same way.
My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, " Why don't you choose your own conception of God? " That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would! |
When I work the steps, I get the benefits, and they are VAST. When I don't drink, I don't get drunk, but still have a noisy brain.
I hope I made sense and didn't offend anyone, this is just my experience with the steps and this thread struck a chord with me.