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I officially started step work today!
Lol, I told my sponsor I really thought I had already done 1, 2 and 3 because I admitted out loud, at meetings and in conversations, that I was powerless over alcohol and my life is an unmanaged disaster. I had told bits of my story to people I met at meetings and am looking for help in the AA program, with the "Group o' Drunks" HP- so there's 2 and 3. So on to step 4!
Smart lady, she told me to do step 1 on paper and then had me read it to her. It was shockingly hard to write my story down like that, all these examples of my powerlessness and how cr@palicious my life has become. But then reading it to her! Oh I bawled like a baby. Again, smart lady, she had already pulled Kleenex out of her purse and was ready for me, even though I had no clue I was going to cry until, well, I was. So I read the whole thing and cried and then... whoa. A weight lifted from my body that I didn't know I was carrying.
A question I didn't know I still had was answered. I qualify. No doubt. I earned my seat. I belong in those rooms. I need help. There's knowing it and then knowing it, I guess. Seeing it there on the page in black and white, 100% honest and true, there's no way around it.
This day was powerful for me. I never thought I would be doing this kind of work on myself. I remember joining SR and being positive I'd never post in a step-work forum. I didn't want to hide it only in the secular 12 step forum, either. Secular, nonsecular, politics, that junk does not matter at the core of what we're trying to do.
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