[Aysha]

Here I am venturing into another section of the forums.
My problem isnt drugs at the moment.
I am finding that I am getting sadder and sadder with every day that passes.
I feel like shyt. I dont have any energy. I dont feel like doing anything. I basically just dont care.
I felt like this using. So whats the point of not using if I still feel like crap?
My life isnt a mess. I know thats why. But the emotions. The mental state I have been in. The anger. The sadness. The lack of motivation. Its all the same still.
My job sucks. I hate it more than anything. But I need it more than anything.
I am struggling there and getting written up and critisised all the time from my supervisor. I can see what she is saying about me just pushing through calls and not showing concern. Well it gets hard to do after so long of people treating you like a piece of shyt because they are mad at the company. It takes a toll on me after awhile. But now I have been faking the chipper tone of voice and biting my tongue and scribbling so hard on paper I broke 2 pens so I dont break the phone. And it still isnt good enough. I chuckled in the phone. I sighed tooo loud in the phone. My responce of are you serious to a guy who said he was waiting 6 mos for resolution to his problem was not proper. GIVE ME F***ING BREAK!!!
I have always lived my life fast and free. Besides the drugs I always believe live life and do what makes you happy. I cant be one of those people that goes to work everyday miserable just so they can live. There are a million jobs that pay the same if not more than what I am getting there. But my circumstances at this very moment are hindering me from finding another job.
I have burned alot of bridges. I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck.
I want to move back to Florida or N Carolina. But wont because my grams is here.
I hate NY and always have.
I miss my friends. I miss doing things the way I am use to doing them.
Not because I have to or thats how is socially acceptable.
I am living the life of a broken beat person right now and it is killing me.
I just dont know what to do to stop feeling liek I just want to run away.
I am tired of feeling tired and sad. Angry as hell and so unfulfilled.
I am just tired.