[shutterbug]

The 120 days is awsome...really awsome. And i'm glad you find comfort in the games. What about a significant other or family?

I also understand not feeling like AA material....especially b/c of social anxiety...as i feel both. However, as someone who even gets stressed out by going to the grocery store and having to stand in line with others.....well, if i was able to make myself face all the sardine can press conferences and other events i've had to in the past for my job....then i think you could face a small AA group if you really wanted too.

If nothing else....AA works b/c people willingly give you their numbers for you to call when feeling weak and craving. I've sweated nearly through my clothes when attending the 2 gamblers anoynomous meetings in the past 2 weeks...but i went....and will continue to force myself. I know i can't do it alone...and the point is that none of us have to (and it does get a little easier to sit in a room with these people...b/c i also did it in Alanon meetings a few years ago).

Something about being in a group of people who have also admitted their problems and are working on them....makes it a VERY compassionate group. Last week, one of the older GA members noticed my fanning myself...and he got up and plugged the fan in. And another male, very gorgeous and my age (but married), even struggled to hold back tears as i told my story with tears streaming down my face.

I know i won't be able to stop without them....and i know that i'll get a little less stressed being around them....in time.

And yes...my life is falling apart for the 3rd and hardest time now in my life. I like how you said it about your resistence in this battle is fading. That is a very good way to put it. That is exactly how it feels. I know it too well.

Just hang on as best you can b/c the one thing i also know well is that nothing ever stays the same.

hugs,
Jenna