... and if you believe that ....
make your checks payable to Barb Dwyer...
ok seriously...
(brief update)
I'm still not working,
out of savings, out of everything,
and going the SSI route.
*sigh*
In filing all this paperwork ...
we learn that -
I was never legally divorced from the child molestor.
This is ... twenty years ago, peeps.
My Social Security has been messed up for that long.
So now there's all sorts of reps , offices, and things need
doing to get this in order and up to date.
ok -
nedless to say -
I froze up
and sister PTSD fanned into flame again.
This has been three months in the going now.
So -
I'm online today to find him with the sexual predator registry
because I have to serve him with divorce papers.
Twenty years later.
I'm hypervigilant again ...
but the neighbors are benefitting from that one.
One neighbor is having trouble with her shoulder
and she's been driving me all over town for legal meetings etc...
so this weekend
I'm putting up window treatments (heat retention) all over her house
and mopping and waxing her hardwood floors.
Doing the housework she can't do right now.
I have a thyroid disorder
that has destroyed my physical metabolism
and yet
a personality disorder
(because I think that's what PTSD really is -
an injury to the personality)
that makes me hyper as all hell.
How crazy is that?
I thank the Universe.. the Infinite every single day
for the gift of my particular sense of humor.
The capacity to appreciate the ridiculous ...
has saved my life more than once, let me tell ya.
I use the panic and hyhper actions of PTSD
and try to give that to my friends right now.
I'm down to NO money...
and still getting the 'hem and haw' from official offices.
I have been all over town putting in applications
and what will be ... will be.
A few weeks ***, I *did* have a bad bout with depression
but I was smart enough to talk to a good friend whom I love dearly
and was able to get out of the funk before I hurt myself.
I have come to truly believe that the gov't 'help' and 'assistance' offices
deliberately stall you and put you down
because they're trying to get you to die first.
I laugh when I say that
but I've come to mean it.
I'm experiencing this first hand now.
I was granted a pro bono attorney
and will be doing the divorce that way.
Can you believe-
twenty years later finding this out?
Talk about ripping open an old old wound.
I was hoping for a 50th birthday/divorce party
and may still have it even though
the divorce is going to take more time that that.
I'm glad I could come to SR the same day and hang out reading
your posts and cath up with so many I've dcome to care so much aobut.
It really helps me get out of myself.
Ok so that's the update for now.
