[Paulos]

Thank you all for your understanding and kindness, it's just I'm driving myself crazy and I am my own enemy just like you said about yourself shutterbug. I'm coming off a year of being on a lot of anti physchotics such as Lamictal/Seroquel/Risperdal *which was 2007* then in 2008 is when I begun trying to stop drinking which I succeeded at, but that's all I've succeeded at. I feel like I'm not myself, I'm alive but not living properly, I feel like I'm a disgrace to my family and I wouldn't survive in the real world without my mother and family's help. I shower just about every day now due to my OCD about when I got washed last, when I last did this, I count the number of hours from when I last showered to when I do so again... I have to count many other things as well to not be caught off guard in case something happens... and I don't use games to escape, that is my HOBBY actually... I stop games a lot when I DON'T want to escape... I WISH the games COULD make me escape but they don't work that way for me, there ARE NO MORE ESCAPES for me... nothing is working, but I am on Xanax 3mg a day,... that helps me a little, but that's about it. I hope we talk again Shutterbug.