Hi all, I'd like to share a part of my journal with you all and see if it looks like I'm going crazy or not
Ahem... here we are...
"2:40pm... I think it was about 36 hours since I had last
showered... yeah about that, so therefore I got
showered/washed. I may have to start getting washed
everyday because I'm making myself crazy in regards
to how many hours was it since I last got washed
when, here, now, and so on etc... it does drive me
insane. I am feeling blank minded and confused, I feel
I can have lots of fun doing things but I'm not doing
them properly and as I already wrote in the journal I
just noticed, everything has to be rushed... I'm more
impatient and irritated than usual, realizing my faults
even more than ever, I am very concerned and
confused about my mental well being at this point. I
just don't know what to do, and my DREAMS are out of
this world, too much stupid CRAP... I can't afford to be
caught off guard, I am no longer comfortable in things I
do because I usually narrated what I did and now I
can't really put it into words orally or in the computer
like I used to... and I realized another reason I could
be feeling overwhelmed is because currently I'm
involved in a lot of games which are... Neopets *also
REBUILDING the account which is emotionally tough
but I'm doing it*, Final Fantasy Tactics on the PSP
which is a surprise that I'm doing but I am because I
love FFT, Heroes of Might and Magic III that I've been
doing almost for 2 whole months now, uhh... oh yes
and of course SHINING FORCE II which is such a blast
from the past, having to organize my troops, the new
promotion system and all this crap it makes me just a
bit... crappy feeling like things are expected of me by
MYSELF and I can't overcome them... when I DO it
right, I just don't do it correctly... I feel stupid,
worthless and pitiful and I wouldn't survive a day out
in the real world alone. It's like the Zoloft is really
breaking down on my depression which is great, but
my ANXIETY is higher than usual, heart palpitations,
nervousness, fear something is going to go wrong, hot
flashes/sweatiness, and BAD headaches... and of
course horrible memory. Man... I don't know what to
do."
Well... just thought I'd share a little bit with you all, I don't know what it'll do or what... dam just made a typo, see what I mean I'm doing terrible I'm horrible... uhh... there's so much I have to say too... I just can't get it out... I feel so ... wrong.