[woodtick]

Trooth,
I don't have a problem with meeting or attracting women it's the issue of attracting someone capable of having and maintaining a meaningful relationship for me. It's probably my own fault for dating some of the women I have dated. One can't expect much sincerity from women that live their life's in the fast lane. I probably had it coming with those ones, but the two I loved weren't much like that and they still deceived me.

Honestly, I don't think I could date more than one woman at a time, maybe when I was younger, but I'm 34 now and those games are behind me. I would feel like I was being deceitful. If things worked out with one of them, I would start the relationship feeling like a sneak. This is bad because when I've been sneaky or if I'm feeling guilty or lying about something, everybody knows, you can just see it on my face.

I know what you mean about how they test you. Why do they do that? Maybe we do too and just don't realize it.

Women tend to grow on me after a while too. It's hard to keep feelings at bay for very long especially if the physical part starts. Maybe that is where I'm making my mistake, they get me sucked in before I can see their true colors.

I'm not a big softy either. I make it quite clear up front that if there is any infidelity there is no second chance. I have always been able to stand firm in that rule. My wife separated from me and three days later she was half way across the country seeing her ex-husband. A few weeks later she wanted to reconcile but I wouldn't do it. She called me a hard-ass for not forgiving her. I think she had it in her head that it would strengthen our relationship because that is what happened with her best friend. It sealed our divorce is what it did for us.

I simply do not know what normal and healthy is or how to obtain it. I don't know anybody that has a good marriage that I could ask either.

Journeygal,
I think you have some great advice. Thanks.

'But if you don't love and respect yourself, how will anyone else?"
I think my drinking habits and my ex-wife really knocked the self-respect out of me. It will take time and my therapist to gain that back. The part about loving myself, I don't think I have ever. That would certainly explain some of my self-destructive behavior in the past. This is profound. Thank you! I really have something to think about here. How does one come to love oneself? This sounds like a piece of healthy and normal to me.