[daydream]

When I was in early recovery and deeply depressed, I heard a lot of people in aa meetings say that if ya weren't happy you weren't working the program. It really hit my self-esteem hard, what little was left after destroying my life in active addiction. It did make me question myself and it felt sh*tty to know that when I was down, others were thinking I wasn't working the program. I quit sharing my pain in meetings and that had a really bad effect on my recovery. It took quite a long while to muster the confidence to speak out against that statement. I knew I was working my ass off at recovery and secretly I dared anyone to try and tell me otherwise. Today I am not happy. Ya know why? My dog f'ing died. I have feelings. I use my recovery program so that I can deal better and not relapse, but my recovery program does not numb me out when bad things happen. The person who made the statement is an idiot.