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Low self esteem can be seen by everyone. Male and female. It will affect your relations with both sexes. Women tend to play more control games with guys with low self esteem. They will also use these guys if they know they can get away with it. I have had the same issues. That is one reason why I wouldn't date while I was in my using days. It caused me to feel bad about myself.
By giving so much slack, I wonder if they do not feel like you will let them get away with everything. I have a friend who is cocky. He was always good with women, and still is. I have another friend who is extremely nice, but is always down no himself. They are both good looking guys, but one has had much better success than the other. The other was in a 2 year relationship, they were talking about marriage, and then he found out that she cheated on him. He did the right thing and told her off. And ended the relationship.
You don't have to be a jerk, but you do have to be firm. Women may like to hear nice things all the time, but they don't like butt kissers. I never had a problem getting a date either, but when it came to 2 or 3 months into the relationship I got the, you are like a friend speech.
In retrospect I would change after I got into the relationship, I would over committ myself if you will. I would constantly compliment, pay for things, and be the over sensitive nice guy. What is wrong with that? It isn't what attracted them to start with. I would let my girlfriend wrap me around her finger. Women lose respect for you if you let them do that. The odd thing is that they constantly try to get you to that point for the most part. I also have been obsessive over relationships before, women do not like that either. In fact it is a turn off.
Women will always throw tests at you in a relationship. They want to know these things. Will you let them control the relationship? Will you bend over backwards to keep them? I think it is a test of manhood if you will. If you don't believe me, checkout the book "The Rules". Also check out any romance novel. They tend to have a story where a woman changes the man into the relationship she wants.
What is the good news? You can adjust your outlook on yourself. Look at what was good in attracting women to start with. Before my using days, and now that I am in my post using days, I was confident, and funny. Women love that. Just keep doing what you do at the start. Have a life outside of work and her. Don't bend, kiss butt, or give into control games. Don't settle for less that what you want. And always be firm and confident. Another good tip is to date more than 1 girl at a time, until you find someone you really want to committ too. By doing that you wont will maintain confidence, and you won't be so apt to cave into 1 of them. If you lose one, you are still going out with a number of others.
I have been working on myself for years in that respect. And I am finding that it is paying off. I just have to watch that I don't become obsessive first, and then keep being me. Just 2 weeks ago I was ready to cave in for one girl. I decided to keep shopping, and I am finding more people that are interested, and I am better able to make decisions. I have found that the other girl is a good friend, and if things develop they do, but they probably wont. By keeping my options open I respect myself more, and I am making better choices, and having a great time getting to know some great women. There is no pressure on either of us, just getting to know each other.
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