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neecey1224 · 09-30-2008, 08:35 AM

My AH continues to call and ask when are we going to fix this (him living in the homeless shelter). I asked why does he keep asking me the same question? He replied, "Because I keep waiting for the answer." I tell him, my answer is not going to change. I don't want drugs, alcohol, or violence in my life anymore, and there's nothing I can do to change that. Only he can change it. He responded with a little chuckle.

The message I am getting from him is that he is unwilling to change anything on his part at this time, and he is just waiting for me to change my mind. Almost like he thinks I am punishing him and he's just waiting for his punishment to end. Would you agree?

He doesn't seem to grasp that his habitual behavior of drugging/drinking/violence has led him to where he's at, and that I will not compromise on my boundaries of acceptable behavior.

Is there something different I should be saying? Should I be saying less? More? Or just keep repeating my boundaries?

No drama ever escalates from these conversations, so that is nice.
I am not at a crisis point - physically or emotionally. I am just wondering if I should be doing anything different.

Your input is appreciated.

09-30-2008, 08:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
neecey1224 Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Tulsa, OK Posts: 73	Opinions please My AH continues to call and ask when are we going to fix this (him living in the homeless shelter). I asked why does he keep asking me the same question? He replied, "Because I keep waiting for the answer." I tell him, my answer is not going to change. I don't want drugs, alcohol, or violence in my life anymore, and there's nothing I can do to change that. Only he can change it. He responded with a little chuckle. The message I am getting from him is that he is unwilling to change anything on his part at this time, and he is just waiting for me to change my mind. Almost like he thinks I am punishing him and he's just waiting for his punishment to end. Would you agree? He doesn't seem to grasp that his habitual behavior of drugging/drinking/violence has led him to where he's at, and that I will not compromise on my boundaries of acceptable behavior. Is there something different I should be saying? Should I be saying less? More? Or just keep repeating my boundaries? No drama ever escalates from these conversations, so that is nice. I am not at a crisis point - physically or emotionally. I am just wondering if I should be doing anything different. Your input is appreciated.