I feel a need to confess my part in all of it. I can look back and see some things that I couldn't see while I was in the relationship. My ex was the most wonderful man in the world too, at first. I gave and gave and gave. Until I was financially depleted.
But here is the hard part for me to admit. I had emotional problems, I needed someone to love me. I wasn't right with myself. I didn't love myself. I held on to him so hard and so long, because I had my own issues that I was using his "love" to balm over. And yes, I could use his sorry butt as an excuse not to address my issues. He is the druggie, he is the problem. But I was the problem too. I didn't love myself enough to stand up sooner. I was addicted to him and his "love". It made me high and giddy at first, but over the years, it got less and less of a high, of a feel good, so I would do just about anything to get that feeling back again.
What I realize now, is that I had it all along...inside me. When I started loving me again, I found what I was looking for in him. That gaping lost feeling in my soul, started feeling filled again.
I no longer try to hide my sickness behind his addiction. I am co-dependent. I have to work on that every day, one day at a time.
Love and Hugs to my fellow brothers and sisters.
B