((tawhite))
For me, who was in almost your exact situation, I realized that it really made me feel low because here I was, couldn't even hold on to a crack addict. My husband was the lowest of low, so many affairs, so many drugs, and I kept hanging on. I knew what a horrible person he was, but I still, treated him like a king and just kept taking it. So when he left for a woman that would do drugs with him, I felt lower than he was. After everything I had done for him, endured and suffered for him, didn't mean squat, therefor, I didn't mean squat.
It's because he had programed me that way, he had manipulated me and worn down my self confidence for so many years that I readily just accepted that I wasn't worth a dime, wasn't even worth him.
As long as he could keep me down below him, well, it always gave him a boost. But when I started rising up, putting my kids before him, getting ME back, I wasn't putty in his hands any more, he had to move on to something or someone that he could control and keep down, someone who would party with him, not give him grief over what he was doing. Someone who didn't remind him that what he was doing was wrong.
I'm proud today to be the woman that he had to get away from. It means I was getting stronger, making my life better, learning not to accept the unacceptable, I was breaking free from the cacoon of fear and unhappiness. Yes I am proud to be that woman. You should be proud too, you are that same woman, the one who would not be broken.
Hugs and Prayers
B