Did he leave because of Crack or the Other Woman
I can't help but to wonder did my ex-husband actually leave because of the crack addiction or because he is actually in love with someone else. I think about their relationship and wonder why was I not good enough. What does he see in her? I've seen her and God forgive me...she is nothing to write home about. Has he stopped using crack? Has he changed? Will he finally get his life together? Is he happier where he is?
The mind is very mysterious, it will have you wondering about things that are so uncessary and ridiculos. I actually have so many racing thoughts and questions in my mind pertaining to this Nut!
It's the things that he said when I found out what he was doing. When I caught him at the woman's house, when I rammed his car. He said so many awful things to deliberately hurt me. He was nasty and cruel..no feeling at all that I was hurt, upset and betrayed by him. He made me feel like it's because of me...that he left. For example, he said I let the kids run my life and I did not satisfy him sexually..however he had no problem with this two weeks before he left. He said he no longer loved me and he was in love with her. He complained about everything when he was home. He made everyone in the household miserable. I had my faults but they in no way surpassed the things that he was doing. I catered to his every need because I knew he had a problem, and hoped he would get help. I treated him like a king. Yes, I was a fool, because every woman he has had relationships with treated him like a king also. He admitted this himself.
It may sound crazy, but I try to cousel myself. I keep repeating in my mind...I know this man's history. I know he is an abuser of crack. I know he has had so many relationships with different woman taking care of him. This is how he lives and there is nothing I can do to change it. He just sucked me into his chaotic life, just to dump me because he no longer has use for me. So, Why do I keep pondering with this thought of whether he truly left because of the crack addiction or me? I don't know.