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loobylue · 09-26-2008, 10:06 AM

I hope no one minds me posting this, but it wasn't until recently when I read about verbal abuse and added that information to what I had read here that I finally got the last piece of the puzzle in place of what has been happening to me all these years, I am just starting to wrap my head around it, I had been lead to believe I was oversensitive, couldn't take a joke, a killjoy even, he seemed to like everyone else (down the pub anyway) so what was up with me? Anyway, these were just a few points to consider...

EVALUATING YOUR EXPERIENCE

He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week or more although you hadn't meant to upset him. You are surprised each time. (He says he's not mad when you ask him what he's mad about, or he tells you he's not mad when you ask him what he's mad about, or he tells you in some way that it's your fault).

When you feel hurt and try to discuss your upset feelings with him, you don't feel as if the issue has been fully resolved, so you don't feel happy or relieved, nor do you have a feeling that you've kissed and made up (he says 'you're just trying to start an argument!' or in some other way expresses his refusal to discuss the situation.

You frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses because you can't get him to understand your intentions.

You are upset not so much about concrete issues - how much time to spend with each other, where to go on vacation etc - as about the communication in the relationship: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.

He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share his thoughts or plans with you.

He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost anything you mention, and his view is not qualified by 'I think' or 'I believe' or 'I feel', as if your view wrong and his right.

You sometimes wonder if he perceives you as a separate person.

You can't recall saying to him 'cut it out' or 'stop it'.

He is either angry, or has no idea of what you are talking about when you try to discuss an issue with him.

09-26-2008, 10:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
loobylue Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Posts: 11	Recognising verbal abuse I hope no one minds me posting this, but it wasn't until recently when I read about verbal abuse and added that information to what I had read here that I finally got the last piece of the puzzle in place of what has been happening to me all these years, I am just starting to wrap my head around it, I had been lead to believe I was oversensitive, couldn't take a joke, a killjoy even, he seemed to like everyone else (down the pub anyway) so what was up with me? Anyway, these were just a few points to consider... EVALUATING YOUR EXPERIENCE He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week or more although you hadn't meant to upset him. You are surprised each time. (He says he's not mad when you ask him what he's mad about, or he tells you he's not mad when you ask him what he's mad about, or he tells you in some way that it's your fault). When you feel hurt and try to discuss your upset feelings with him, you don't feel as if the issue has been fully resolved, so you don't feel happy or relieved, nor do you have a feeling that you've kissed and made up (he says 'you're just trying to start an argument!' or in some other way expresses his refusal to discuss the situation. You frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses because you can't get him to understand your intentions. You are upset not so much about concrete issues - how much time to spend with each other, where to go on vacation etc - as about the communication in the relationship: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say. He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share his thoughts or plans with you. He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost anything you mention, and his view is not qualified by 'I think' or 'I believe' or 'I feel', as if your view wrong and his right. You sometimes wonder if he perceives you as a separate person. You can't recall saying to him 'cut it out' or 'stop it'. He is either angry, or has no idea of what you are talking about when you try to discuss an issue with him.