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loner1968 · 09-16-2008, 01:54 PM

Thanks for the replies. I was mostly just venting. The pain gets so bad I could do some damage if I don't do something else so thanks for reading and responding.

Freedom: Those are great ideas and i appreciate them but I have already been there. I went to college and got help from VESID. I got a BA in science and work part time as a naturalist. A very cool job...if you're a college student who needs a part time job. I have been there now 6 years and can't make any more $ due to being on disability. I could never find another job anywhere with my health.

Now I am being sued for the student loans that have doubled since I graduated. I can't afford the low,low monthly payments. Have used all my forbearance and all that other junk I'm not considered 100% totally disabled because i can walk so there is no way to get out from under the student debt.

My entire disability check goes right to the credit card counseling so I Iive off the money from the job. Its not much but its something. The credit card debt is of course my fault. That's what I lived off after the drunk boyfriend decided he found someone with more of everything.

I do ok i guess. I just would like to have something new that's mine sometimes. not used or broken or patched together. I'm good at that stuff but ya know what i mean? I'm thankful for things of course but sometimes...when the pain is so bad that I don't want to go to bed because its gonna hurt worse when I wake up...I lose all sight of being grateful. I know people have worse problems. I am getting to the point where I can't fight it anymore. Its taking over and Its kicking my A$$!

I don't know. I never wanted to be on disability this long. I am now at the point where I need surgery but I am afraid because I have Medicaid and I KNOW from personal experience that medicaid recipients are not exactly top priority. I have a terrible fear of some doctor cutting into my back and doing things to my spine when he wasn't even interested in remembering my name or looking at my file!

I know I am not alone and that really doesn't make it better. We are all in the same delapitated boat.

09-16-2008, 01:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
loner1968 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 282	Thanks for the replies. I was mostly just venting. The pain gets so bad I could do some damage if I don't do something else so thanks for reading and responding. Freedom: Those are great ideas and i appreciate them but I have already been there. I went to college and got help from VESID. I got a BA in science and work part time as a naturalist. A very cool job...if you're a college student who needs a part time job. I have been there now 6 years and can't make any more $ due to being on disability. I could never find another job anywhere with my health. Now I am being sued for the student loans that have doubled since I graduated. I can't afford the low,low monthly payments. Have used all my forbearance and all that other junk I'm not considered 100% totally disabled because i can walk so there is no way to get out from under the student debt. My entire disability check goes right to the credit card counseling so I Iive off the money from the job. Its not much but its something. The credit card debt is of course my fault. That's what I lived off after the drunk boyfriend decided he found someone with more of everything. I do ok i guess. I just would like to have something new that's mine sometimes. not used or broken or patched together. I'm good at that stuff but ya know what i mean? I'm thankful for things of course but sometimes...when the pain is so bad that I don't want to go to bed because its gonna hurt worse when I wake up...I lose all sight of being grateful. I know people have worse problems. I am getting to the point where I can't fight it anymore. Its taking over and Its kicking my A$$! I don't know. I never wanted to be on disability this long. I am now at the point where I need surgery but I am afraid because I have Medicaid and I KNOW from personal experience that medicaid recipients are not exactly top priority. I have a terrible fear of some doctor cutting into my back and doing things to my spine when he wasn't even interested in remembering my name or looking at my file! I know I am not alone and that really doesn't make it better. We are all in the same delapitated boat.